If Barbie Was a Hacker

Since the first Barbie Doll hit the stores in 1954 the endless discussion on female appearance and beauty ideals has been roaming the good ol` web. Barbie is a doll. A piece of dressed up plastic has had a bigger influence on society than the god damn safety pin(no source just raging guess). Who says you cant be good looking and smart? Hacker Barbie FTW.

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“What the fuck is this shit, Brian?” Barbie asked while looking at the DVD he handed to her. “Have you ever heard of GitHub? It´s how we share code in 2016. Damn it, my laptop doesn´t even have a DVD drive!”

“Hey, Barbie,” says Brian. “I´m just dropping by to see how you`re doing!” Brian pulls this shit six times a day. Brian´s friend Steve is cute. But he indents using tabs! Barbie knows she and Steven would never work out.

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Right before Barbie goes to commit her changes, her screen flashes and the computer reboots.
“Shit,” says Barbie. “Looks like you´ve got a virus, big sister” says Skipper. “Its Ubuntu, you scrub, ” replies Barbie, ” and it´s and unstable piece of crap. Fuck this, I´m going to install Arch like i should have.”

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“Need any help?”, asked Steven. “No thanks”, said Barbie, “I´m doing HTML with my left hand and CSS with my right, so there´s no spare keyboard”. “What about JavaScript?”, asked Brian.
“I´ll just bang my head on the desk”, replied Barbie.

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Skipper has been implementing a new programming language for the last 48 hours straight. Barbie, worried that Skipper may have lost her grip on reality, insisted that she take a break or risk severe burn out. Skipper refused.

“Jesus fuck me sideways with a sandblaster how did the PM convince the lead it was good idea to merge the update UI branch on the day before Thanksgiving?”

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“Fuck this thing and fuck it again,” Barbie types into her console. She hits enter an commits her changes. “Fucking PHP”, she mulls. “I should have never taken on this bug-ridden legacy project. But hopefully ill amke it onto Commit Logs From Last Night!”

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“Look Skipper, I´m not trying to get into a god-damn holy war here,” Barbie says, “all I´m saying is that by the time your Emacs setup has loaded I´ve already coded half the physics engine in Vim. And have you ever tried to do CTRL-X or CTRL-C on a Dvorak keyboard? Jesus Christ.”

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“Can anybody tell me what this is?” said Ms. Smith, “Yes”, said Barbie, ” A packet that causes a buffer overflow in the school webserver”. “you aren´t going to pass this class with attitude like that, young lady”, said Ms. Smith sternly. ” The school database says I already got an A”, replied Barbie.

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